xxsweetchrissy

So i was talking to my ex boyfriend of 3 years last night, he tells me that i basically made up all these things that he did to me during our relationship, that I am the one who actually did all the bad stuff, that he can “forgive me but never forget.” WOW. Let me tell you something, for three years i drove this SOB around, spent all my money on food and movies and dates, let him sleep over my house for months just to be able to see him when he’d ignore me all day. What a slap in the face to me and to my parents! Now just because I removed myself from an unhealthy relationship that gave me so much stress i gained 20 pounds, I am now the one who did “everything” in our relationship. Are you kidding me? He and I are both in new relationships, when I saw on his facebook that he was in a new relationship I wished them well in a text message. I ask how she is and he says SHE’S AMAZING!! he asks back “how is your family and rocco”  “rocco?”   “um, rich, rob…your bf?”  “it’s ricky.” he is so rude. He got to treat me like garbage and now his family and GF have convinced him that I am “crazy” and that i did everything. You know what, I DIDN’T! I am going to take off these 20 pounds by New Years Eve, see you at our mutual friend’s party and let you have a slap in the face.

Your little trick to make me feel lower than dirt isn’t working sweetheart. Thank you for the confidence and motivation. And BTW Ricky is someone who you will NEVER be.

-Chrissy

LET’S DO THIS ALL!! who is with me!

I lost 5 pounds this week! A whole 5 pounds and I feel FANTASTIC!!! When I saw the number on the scale I almost jumped up and down and tackled my parents. They were so excited for me, too. I’ve been cooped up inside and feeling down lately,  but my parents and I went outside in the fresh air then saw a movie and I felt great. I want to hit the gym and kick my booty. I can do this and I will!

<3

Sorry I have been a flake, I have some personal business to take care of.

I have some news, I never went away to school, it did not work out, and now I am the highest weight I have ever been in my life. I stepped on the scale now and I am 160 pounds. Never in my life did I ever think I would let myself get this out of control. I am so unhappy with myself right now. I keep saying that, but I cannot believe how much weight I have let myself gain. I need to get going again, wish me luck this is going to be a long, hard battle for me.

I just tried to take a picture of myself for a “current” picture. And I can’t, I am so unhappy with how I look. I couldn’t even smile.

You know what I realized? I have no me time. I’m going away to school in late January and school ends in about two weeks. That gives me about a month and a half before I go away to school. Ugh, and now somebody at one of my jobs quit so I have to pick up her shift. So that means I work Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday and Sunday now. That’s supposed to be my vacation time. I don’t think you can blame me for gaining weight. I go to school full-time and work 3 jobs when the hell do I have time for myself to work out or eat right? Ugh I seriously hate my life, I wish I wasn’t me. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up the next day and be the old me. And I wish I didn’t have to do things for other people all the time. Even if I go to the gym tomorrow or eat right tomorrow. Who cares? I’m going to be 150 lbs regardless. What’s the use in trying, it’s going to take me months and I have to go to the doctor in a month to get weighed and u know what. i’ll still be the same weight I am today. I’m willing to bet u 100$ I will.

I feel like giving up hope.

Well hello my friends!

I’m  not sure how much I weigh. I’ve been between 151-154. And for some reason i’m still not motivated to go to the gym. But i’m not giving up on myself. I figure it’ll take a day of epiphany for me, I thought I had had it but I can’t wait for that day where I get up and want to go to the gym instead of dragging myself, and it’ll come a lot easier.

I think one of my major problems is that i hang out with friends really late. Last night i had so much sprite, slim jims and brownies it would’ve made ur head spin. Gross- this morning i woke up feeling like i had a hangover. guess it’s a sugar hangover huh? why do i let myself feel this way. I should be feeling great every morning. I actually WANT to go to the gym today and I can’t. working 9-5 and my gym closes at 5 or 6. If it is 6 i’m going to fit in a quick work out! go me! but we’ll see.

we can do this let’s stay positive!

hello everyone, i’ve missed you all.

i had to take some time off.

Last year at this time I was in the 140s. I wasn’t happy with myself and I started going to the gym. Soon I was wearing size small and working out 4-5 times a week. Eating salads and lots of protein! I got down to 135 and started to see muscle pile on and fat disappear. =)!!!! I could wear whatever I wanted and I felt healthy.

Want to know where I am? Between 152-154 lbs. I eat junkfood almost every single day, i wear large or extra large and I hate myself. I hate the way I look and how i feel. I work out ZERO times a week. once every two weeks I work out now. I went to the doctor and she told me I have to lose weight because my blood pressure is up. I’m 20 years old and I have to worry about my blood pressure…it’s not right. 90% of the time I dont feel well. My tiny little body should be 130 lbs at the most is what my doctor said. I can’t believe it…how did I let this happen to me?

And why knowing how unhealthy I am….and btw i HAVE to lose weight because I have to go back in a month….will I not work out. I have a membership costing me 60 dollars a month…a working student and I’m letting myself play videogames and watch TV on my couch instead of working out. I’m totally embarassed. I saw these pictures of myself, I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I thought I was hiding my weight so well, but i KNOW that other ppl have noticed. I went to go visit my friends at the college I attended part of freshman year right? to see their face when I walked in the door, it was heartbreaking. They are not mean ppl, not in the least. But last time they saw me I was working out so much and had lost a bunch of weight. Now i let it pile back on. I need so much strength and support.

let’s be there for each other!!! Strength is in numbers. I missed you all! glad to be back.

WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright, who else is fed up with this? i gained back a lot of weight! i am 142 pounds and i am sick of yo-yoing with my weight. who knows how much i weigh now since i ate so much today. this summer, i am going to work out 5 days a week and eat the best that i can, i dont get how someone *myself* can lose 20 lbs in about 3 months one summer, and then can not control herself.

get out those water bottles, who’s with me =)

i am tired of the way i look. no…joke… i’m going to lose this weight. i’m in a play @ school with all these skinny girls, and i want to look good on stage, too. I’m tired of being cast as the funny chubby girl.

i want to get down to 125 before my show which is in late april *it also happens to b near my birthday =)*  i can do it! only 10 pounds to go!

i’m visiting my friend in boston soon, in late march, so at the time i would like to be at 130. i am somewhere between 133-135. so I need to get and keep those extra pounds off.
btw, my b/f and i broke up, but i’m okay. i’ve been happier and laughing more. no more worrying about what he’s doing. now he can do whatever he wants. it’s a shame tho, we went out for over a year and a half. now he can go into the army reserves and i can do what i always wanted at the beginning of next semester *which i won’t reveal until it’s for  certain that i’m doing it*

write more later!!
<3

Hey all, sorry i’ve been such a bad buddy. i’ve been trying to see all my friends that are back from school for the past month or so. some of them are already starting to go back to school. today i’m at work from 9-5 which stinks because i’m exhausted but an hour has already gone by! so only 7 to go!! (one of which is a lunch break so that will b the best hour lol)

this year i’m not taking anyone’s crap! i’m not letting friends put me in a position where I emotionally eat. Last night I emotionally ate. I was at my friend’s house and she and her mother got into a huge fight. for some reason, I started to feel awkward so i ate my two pieces of chicken and then a bowl of tortellini. bad bad choices on my part! especially since i’m italian. food=life. but i am proud of myself for staying at 135 pounds especially since this whole vacation has been about holidays, and about food! i’ve GOT to get back to the gym, i haven’t been there in about 3 weeks (probably even more!) i’m so embarassed of myself. what is my problem? my gym is down the street from my house! grrr i can’t go today because i work till 5 and they close at 6:00……i’m going to kick my butt the next time i go. i’ll probably do the eliptical for an hour or something…ugh, i really need to start getting serious about this. i’m the one who is always complaining about how “fat” i feel right? so do something about it then, self! i think i will =)

here’s to 2008, can’t do it without you buddies!

through the midst of all this chaos comes forth something good.

Going to the wake of my ex-boyfriend was probably the scariest thing in the world. I remember when we went out and every time i kissed him, I never thought he would pass away at the age of 19. For a whole year we spent each weekend at my house or his house. I can’t even begin to tell you all the memories I have of him. It wasn’t meant to happen, it just wasn’t. he was too young and all of us are too young to go through this. it’s just so frustrating.

if only you heard what his mother said to me….
“you were steve’s first love. i’m forever indebted to you. take him with you”

i feel like after i went to the wake this huge weight was lifted off me. but now there are so many memories i totally forgot about coming to the surface. he dumped me for another girl in 9th grade and i definitely loved him. after that i feel like those memories were just suppressed due to my emotional hurt, but now i remember all of them. and they mean the world to me. if only i hadn’t thrown out the lego “I love you” he made me…..I do have a picture of him that he gave me for our 1 year anniversary. I also have this card that he made me, but it’s in a plastic bag somewhere and i have no idea where i put it. at least i didn’t throw it away. i always wanted to because i was so mad at him for what he did to me. but i never ever did, and i’m so grateful i didn’t. even tho i was “mad @ him” i never really was mad at him. he’s such a good kid the most loving person in the world. and now he’ll b our guardian angel =) i wrote about poem about him for my journal for one of my english classes. and i’m so glad i did because now i’m sad but i just keep feeling better.

I think one day next week (if the weather permits) i’m going to go to my church and just pray silently and just let it all out. i’m so glad steve came to church that day to hear me sing. i’ll always remember that. he also came to my 8th grade musical….

the healing process has deff. begun…

anyway….i’m 135.5 today, so i’m proud. i’ve also been sticking to working out. ooo i totallyforgot to tell u. fitness edge sent me four 30-day trials to hand out and i gave one to my cousin ernie, one to my mommy and one to my daddy. my aunt and uncle belong there already…btw we live right next door to each other lol and we’re related thru my mom. my mom and my aunt are sisters. ANYWAY so we are all exercising now!!! how awesome is that, the family that stays fit together, stays together haha

just so u kno i have an older sister, just like my mommy has her older sister (my aunt) and i hope that my sister and i are close like my aunt and mommy are. good thing my sister is my BF…

anway that was a long blog, but i haven’t written in a few days and i wanted u all to know what i’m going through cuz ur all my friends and are always there for me.

-chrissy